Local area man Alan Fortwit who was has depression is wondering when all the cool, sexy parts of depression happen. Because right now, it's just a lot of crying and it kind of sucks. But according to most television shows and movies about depression, at some point, he'll listen to a lot of jazz and get to sleep with a lot of women. Also, he'll say sweet jokes that'll be really hilarious, really hilarious. Alan hopes for this to start sometime soon. For all the crying and the declarations of, "Please, dear God. Let me just die and remove this horrible person society" stops he and get to all the fun depression things”