The Freemasons suck: A fair and balanced look at the Freemasons from somebody not associated with the Illuminati.

You know who sucks? Freemasons. You shouldn't join them or even live close to them. They're jerks. Super jerks. Bigger jerks than you can even imagine. The Freemasons will just go to your stand-up shows and yell heckling comments. The worst part is, they'll somehow arrange for those heckling comments to be funnier than your jokes. They're jerks. They're jerks. I'm not bitter. Why would I be bitter? Because love of my life is now married to a Freemason? No, that's ridiculous.

The Illuminati is awesome. The Illuminati once got Nintendo to put out a console. Yes, it was the virtual boy, but the Illuminati is great. The Illuminati is better than ever. We've achieved so much.What have the Freemasons done? Got Nintendo to put out another console? No. Well, yeah, but I mean it was that weird radio one that only played radio waves - the Satellaview. I think we're both hits in that way.

Please love me again, Sarah! I'm sorry! I'll do anything! Jeff can't be that nice of a person. Please forgive me!