If giant men exist, why haven't they bought me a pug to make me happy?

If giant men exist, why haven't they bought me a pug to make me happy? Okay. You want to get into this, buddies? You want to get into this, bros? Huh? Not so cool when it's thrown back at you, huh? Huh? Let me tell you something. I've never met a man over 12-feet tall. Numerous books and articles tell me men over 12-feet tall exist. I've never met one. I don't even know a 12-foot tall man. I'd love to know a 12-foot tall man. I dream of 12-foot tall men.

I want to ride one, ride one, let the breeze go through my hair on the shoulders of a 12-foot tall man, but they do not exist. They aren't real. They're a lie, an arbitration. Done by whom? The liberal media, that's who. 12-foot tall men don't exist any more than 11-foot tall men, because I know, a 12-foot tall man would totally, 100% buy me a puppy, preferably a pug.

That's the truth of the matter. 100%, 130 even, true, cool beans, my friends. The tall men exist and don't exist all in one, don't exist because pugs are not dropped off at my door stoop. I want to hug pugs. I'd love to hug a pug, but I, like every true American, believe that pugs must be gifted to you or earned through combat with a 12-foot tall man. But I believe that they no longer exist, and why is that? The liberals. That's right. The liberals have taken out the 12-foot tall men. Uh-huh. That is true.