And now Camelot is proud to reprint an article from a 1973 issue with Pulitzer Prize owning reporter Jonathan Needlemeyer.

Why, hello there. This is Jonathan Needlemeyer, reporting on a situation. I don’t care who’s president. Oh, there’s one of these every four years; my head is just killing me. I tell you I was on this plane, and I punched that damn uppity pilot straight in the jaw. Telling me I can’t fly a plane. I can fly a plane; I can fly a plane better than anybody else can. Oh my head, my head. Sometimes I dream I was a penguin in a past life. Those were the good times. All I had to worry about was getting from point A to point B with an egg between my legs, and nobody would judge me as an irresponsible violent person.

Today, augh, I just got arrested. They said it’s illegal to transport massive amounts of drugs. I don’t know what they’re talking about. They should be asking me why do I have authentic whale ambergris in my bag, and I’ll tell you why, Illuminati! because I’ve been hunting and killing whales with my bare machine-gun-clenched hands. They don’t wanna die. They might be as intelligent as toddlers, but I look into their faces and I know, I know, that my wife respects me. I’ll punch somebody or something if I hear anybody say to me it’s the presidential election. Augh. Reporting in from somewhere or someplace.

Of course, being as it was 1975 the presidential election had been over for a year. Needlemeyer was not aware of this as he had been in a drug induced stupor for over a year. This has been a classic look back at Camelot Magazine.