No One Discusses my Dancing Anymore: An Editorial by Vladimir Putin

Oh what happened to me? There was once a time when I was still in the KGB when they would say, “There goes Vladimir Putin, the best dancer in all of Russia.”

But nobody talks about that anymore. You know this whole being President of Russia was just supposed to be a day job thing, now it has just overtaken my whole life. I barely get to the studio anymore, and when I do I am way behind on my reps. Everybody has moved on to interpretative hip-hop but old Vladdy here. Uch, I remember when I was brutally crushing any political opponent I did it through the rhythmic jazz, and they all knew this Putin guy - you know, this is the guy we need.

They had never seen somebody turn Jay Z’s Big Pimping into such a beautiful ballet of intimate movement and pure sex appeal like Vladimir Putin. Uch. Well, I have to get going now. They once again are calling for Vladimir Putin, one of Russia’s best dancers to do the boring, non-important things like trade negotiations. Man, Putin’s name used to mean something in this town. I had respect – the respect given to a hip-hop interpretive dancer.