Why I Love Houston

What is the city of Houston most well known for? That one time they accidentally elected a cat as mayor, and then while wholly intending to reelect said cat, accidentally voted for a different cat? Is it the time Houston, in a fit of misplaced Halloween fun, decided to dig out the corpses of Civil War soldiers and place them all around town for the kids to see during Halloween as an ultimately failed attempt to create the spookiest haunted house this side of the Mississippi - although we are still working off those lawsuits from those angry war widows. You wouldn’t think any one of them would be left. You would be wrong. Civil War widows stick around.

Or is Houston, aka Space City, famous for the mysterious white space on Fannin and Blodgett that people go into and disappear for several seconds at a time? I’ll be honest with you, that’s pretty famous in Houston. But, you know, the government won’t let us go there.

But no, what Houston truly is famous for is its world-class hospitality. Are you a vampire who desperately just needs to be let into a home for a few minutes - just a few minutes to get out of the rain? Houston will gladly invite you past the threshold of their houses. Are you an angry war widow who still won’t get off our backs? Houston will gladly re-bury your husband at no cost to you, according to the lawsuit terms we agreed on Mariel!

But Houston will also do simple things like bake you a pie with pecans in it. So that’s truthfully why I love Houston.