"Who would've known they would die so quickly and painfully" the joint Chiefs of staff testify on why they sent gamers to Iraq

 In a three hour grilling session the Joint Chiefs of Staff defended their decision to allow the  entire army to be replaced by really good video game players.

 Chairman of the joint Chiefs of Staff Joseph Dunford said, "It just made sense. We had the best video game players - Call of Duty players - as the soldiers. We had the highest ranked Star Craft players as the generals because they're the ones with strategy. and then we figured I'm in there so highly rated in their PVP matches and in their online play they could easily beat Isis just like that."

 Of course affairs of the program known as 'let's just do what they did in the last star fighter/ armada /ready player one plan' has been a notorious  failure.

 Vice chairman of the joint Chiefs of staff Paul J Selva was quoted as saying, "I don't know how this all could've failed. I mean we did all the right things. We landed a Black Hawk helicopter in the schoolyard, and right in front of all the kids' bullies and girls that they like that won't talk to them we, said you're super important, and then we just flew them directly from their schools to iraq. You know, it's amazing that so many of them died  almost immediately."

I mean he has freaking sweet guns on the cover said the official report

 They were quoted as saying that they plan to shift more into like maybe an Air Bud thing where they get a bunch of dogs to do something. They haven't fully thought that one through and they will get back to us when they figure out the details.