How I Escaped My Kidnapping: An Article by Gerard Butler
I was tied up and blindfolded. I was unaware of where I was. It felt cold and steel-like, like I was in some sort of abandoned warehouse. It was then that my blindfold was removed, and I could see I was, perhaps, in an abandoned warehouse, just on the outskirts of town.
"Well, well, we meet again, Gerard Butler, star of such films as 300 and PS, I Love You," said a mysterious voice in the shadows. I recognized it immediately. It was the man with the nickname so cool that it must never be said out loud, lest the entire universe becomes endangered, like, one of my most dangerous foes.
As he walked out of the shadows, I could see him. It was Sam Worthington, star of such films as Avatar and Terminator: Salvation.
“Yes, Gerard Butler, star of such films as 300 and PS, I Love You, it is me, Sam Worthington. You thought you got rid of me in that volcano, but I survived."
“What's your plan, Sam Worthington? are you trying to get to Moon Studio?" I said.
“As you know, Sam Worthington's nickname is so cool, if it's spoken out loud, a small concentration of the universe would be destroyed. I plan to use it as a currency, uh, at a peace keeper meeting with the pope and the Dalai Lama. That’s going on,” said Sam Worthington.
“It would be World chaos!”
“That's my plan, Gerard Butler. Ahahahah," he said as he put his hand up to my throat. "And unfortunately, my arch friend, you are in no position to stop me."
“Do you expect me to join you?”
“No. I expect you to die," said said Sam Worthington.
Then all of a sudden out of the shadows came a collection of genetically engineered Navis from the film Avatar, directed by James Cameron.
Dear God!
It's amazing what genetic scientists can do nowadays. Then he walked into one of those metal suits. Metal suits that were from the film Avatar.
“I'm off to breed chaos," said Sam Worthington.
He jumped really far because he can jump really far. As the genetically engineered Navi's approached, I used my powerful Gerard Butler muscles. Broke out of the ropes and fought them all. Kachow. Kachow. I effortlessly dodged them using the ballerina training I did for the film The Phantom of the Opera, and hit them over the head. It was an easy fight, but I was just behind Sam Worthington, star of such films as Avatar and Terminator: Salvation. And I yelled up to the sky, "Worthington!"