Hippopotamus are Constantly trying to kill me and eat me: an editorial by Leonardo Dicaprio

Giant hippopotamuses. What do they know? Are they friend or foe, or some sort of combination of the two, like a frenemy situation? I have been driven my whole life by this enumerable question. Will a hippopotamus, one day in the middle of the night while I am sleeping and contemplating my sweet, innocent dreams that all great men dream of. A hippopotamus will come up to me, and bite me, and I'll die, and be killed, and be murdered by a hippopotamus, and the police won't suspect a hippopotamus because the hippopotamus is well-connected in Washington, D.C. That's right.

The hippopotamus may be related to William Johnson Hippopotamus, the most powerful hippopotamus, the most beloved hippopotamus in American history, or he may not be. Fun fact about William J. Hippopotamus. He was the model for the hungry, hungry hippos back in the 1800s, back when it was called very hungry, hungry hippos. They cut off the very. Very hungry hippos had been around for over 200 years. What I'm saying is, I am a famous actor. I don't deserve this. I'm the greatest living thespian the world has ever seen. Shit, you do not ... No, no, no, no, no. Oh, fuck.