Is Keanu Reeves a vampire?

 Well, in the many files that in the Illuminati archives that my grandad had  on Keanu Reeves including who is Keanu Reeves? What is the Matrix that everybody is talking about? Are vampires real? Does Keanu Reeves have anything to do with Delta Burke, who suggested this? What are you, some sort of moron? The most important one, is Keanu Reeves an immortal vampire? Well, the file says definitively. There have been many theories about Keanu Reeves being some sort of immortal vampire.

lets and this one says it's "What My nephew Alan says",  I haven't talked to cousin Alan in forever. I wonder how he's doing. Is he still married to Jennifer? Boy, I loved Jennifer. You know, I think that's weird thing. It was my fault. I never said it. I never said anything about it to him and I never asked her. It wasn't her fault. It wasn't his fault. Boy, after that marriage I never talked to him again. Anyways, the file that the Illuminati says not sure. Look into this later. That is, at a short, what the thing says.