Illuminati is back, baby

That's right. Illuminati, the old stalwart of the the secret world government biz is back and better than ever. No longer content to just rest rest on our laurels, we're now hip millennial, on fleek, so woke we can talk to the monster at the end of the universe. We even got a commercial up with Chance the Rapper.

Man, you're never going to be able to crack this commercial's code because it was devised by a diverse team of young people. We're really back, baby. Could we even dare say we are now cool?

We did this as an ironic joke, but it's true just a little, right? We are cooler than we were. We even got a bunch of new sweet things that are coming up.

1. A rave party inside theStatue of Liberty's head right next to where JFK assassin was planned for November 23, and also the next day we learned in that room how our plans were messed up by some Weirdo.

2.  We are staring a streaming service that will be nothing but videos of the color red getting slightly darker directed by Gus van Saint.

3. Eagles will now get slightly bigger. It was a good idea when Jay-Z pitched it. We could not get money together but we are doing it now.

4. The Device!

5. A new series of YA books about young Illuminati reporting on their classmates.

We hope you love this new chapter in the secret ongoing war for world dominance.