Once again, another carnival begins and I am not invited. an Paul Rayn Editorial

You'd think I could get over the disappointment of not being invited to carnival. But I am always crushed, always. Yes. I'm aware that there are some strikes against me, like the fact that I am not a Samba school, nor do I know what Samba is. Nor am I from Brazil.

And I am resentful of all the noise of carnival, and I keep saying that the only way to get me there is A, to fly me in a private jet that inexplicably is more expensive than a normal private jet, because I'll still insist on paying first class air on top of that. And that there should be a hot tub and a Giraffe.

And, you have to accommodate the Giraffe as well. also maybe the fact that I demand that they fly my whole house there. It's just a comfort thing. Mabey it's because you know, I dislike the whole concept of dance to begin with. I'm aware that those few things might not totally go in my favor.

Just once, just once, I would like to be treated like a king by the Brazilian government. Is that too much to ask for? That I receive numerous honors from Brazil for doing absolutely nothing for them, but I still really would like to be honored by Brazil.

I don't know. It seems unfair. Brazil please contact me. I am so tired of sending all these letters. I spent at least three, $400 a week on international shipping. And, the many cats that I've sent you, I'm worried about them. I said you can keep them only for a week to play with them, but you have not sent them back and I am starting to worry that something terrible has happened when I put those cats into those small little boxes. So, please, please, please contact me.