My Call With Gerard Butler

My phone rang late at night. Nobody calls me, partly because I live in a small tent in Washington, D.C., just outside the White House waiting for any motion or movement. My cellphone was ringing. I picked it up, and in shock and awe, it was none other than action star and columnist for Camelot Magazine, Gerard Butler. I asked his permission if I could show the transcript of this call, and he said it was fine.

"Hello, jane." 

"Hello Gerard. How's it been?"

"Odd. I go to the zoo a lot now and look at the owls. I wonder what they want from me."

"Nothing probably. They're just owls."

"No, no, not these owls. They know stuff. They've been thinking about stuff. They're smart owls, I can tell."

"Why did you call me, Gerard?"

"Remember when I was corn? That was pretty fun."

"Yeah, I remember that. Gary Busey turned you into corn."

"I loved every minute of being corn. I ate some corn today."

"Oh."

"jane I was walking today and I saw what I was certain was the exact replica of myself for a brief minute."

"Oh, you saw a wax statue?"

"No, a doppelganger. I looked that term up. That's what they are."

"What are you thinking about with that?"

"I don't know, Jane I'm nervous."

Gerard Butler feels nervous. He feels nervous, especially the one time where he was nervous about handling an equal amount of action, comedy, and drama that was required of him in the hit film Playing For Keeps. Oh. Something's coming, jane. Something major. Something big that Gerard Butler star of such films as 300 and P.S. I Love You, will have to deal with.